A bunch of perverts gathered in a circle and stared at Gwyneth Paltrow’s breasts on the cover of Gotham magazine. They call themselves Gwynophiles and after countless hours of intense scrutiny, they allege she’s had her boobs done. This stems from their belief that it’s impossible for her tits to grow that big by just working out with a personal trainer. One so called expert explains, “She didn’t use to have anything up top. Now she does and they are perky.” Another super fan who’s seen one of Gwyneth’s breasts in her upcoming film Two Lovers says: “It’s like the boob of a 15-year-old girl.”
Here’s Gwyneth last month at the premiere of Two Lovers. She doesn’t look too bad. Although, I don’t have an unhealthy obsession with her breasts so I can’t give any opinion on them. But if you give me some time, a ski mask and a bottle of prescription tranquilizers, I might be able to cop a feel for you. I mean, if that’s what you want.