Lily Allen in blue

Sometimes, Lily Allen is pretty cool. She says pretty much whatever and doesn’t give a shit. Like that other day when she said the media should stop making cocaine look bad. She backtracked and corrected herself, but still. Anyway, Lily has a new single coming out so I guess that’s why she’s giving all these interviews. The most recent one was with NME where she stated that she can’t be with anyone unless they’re phenomenal in the bedroom and gets “upset” if they aren’t.

“I can get on with someone really, really well and if they are no good at having sex with me it really upsets me,” she told NME.

“I think, ‘oh god, this is someone I would like to spend the rest of my life with. But I cannot face having bad sex for the rest of my life’.”

The star went on to say that it’s impossible to teach someone how to be good in the sack, claiming: “You’ve either got it or you don’t!”

Lily Allen would probably want to spend the rest of her life with me. All the women I’ve slept with have told me I’m a virtuoso when it comes to sex. In fact, I don’t think my knife and I have ever gotten any complaints.