John Mayer emerged from My House two nights ago with lipstick on his face and kisses over his shirt. He seemed to be promoting a new clothing line he created called Douchebag Wear. But that wasn’t enough. Determined to raise his level of douchiness, he started dancing outside of the club while people around him sang “Man in the Mirror.”

Today, the CDC claims to have been able to contain Mayer’s douchiness saying that what was an initial 85% level of douche contamination has leveled off to 1% with only a hint of vinegar lingering in the air.