Star Magazine says Lindsay Lohan hit rock bottom during her trip to Paris and is headed for an early grave. Star should quit being so dramatic. Lindsay isn’t going to die. She’s like the Terminator if the Terminator liked to party and was able to blow through obscene amounts of cocaine and alcohol.

“She’s a wreck, a mess, a disaster,” one tells Star. “She an obituary waiting to happen.”

Despite three trips to rehab and two DUI arrests, all before her 23rd birthday, Linds cannot stop herself from drowning her sorrows. Even the night before her big runway debut with her Emanuel Ungaro clothing line she was up till dawn partying. And once the scathing reviews were in for her line, things got worse. “She was crushed,” says one insider who saw her at a bash thrown by photographer Mario Testino.

“Her eyes were red and puffy, and at one point she started shouting and tearing up.” Soon after, Lindsay collapsed on a couch and passed out. “Her friends had to get her out of there before things got any worse.”

This sounds more like a regular night for Lindsay than it does rock bottom. I’m sure everyone acted real surprised when Lindsay passed out. Only because this time it wasn’t in some guy’s crotch. They probably gave her a little golf clap for that.

As it also turns out, Lindsay’s relationship with Sam Ronson might be over for good. In a series of tweets on Oct. 13, Lindsay blamed Sam’s family for keeping them apart.

“@samantharonson doesn’t respond 2me b/c her family will cut her off if she contacts me..,” she tweeted. “They control the one I love & im incapable of making any sort of difference.”

“I’m in love with her, as she is in love with me ….. but her loved ones-hate her brilliance & resent her happiness.”

This is like Romeo and Juliet and we all know how that ended up. With me falling asleep in class. Boooring.