Lindsay is going to have a fun time in prison

All those women in prison movies have taught me that every female inmate is a sexy, aggressive lesbian just waiting to pounce on fresh meat. Glad to know The Sun has confirmed my suspicion. The Sun says Lindsay Lohan will have to deal with tough guards at Lynwood correctional facility along with “fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.”

Tamara also warned bisexual Lindsay of the jail’s lesbian gangs – and offered advice on how to avoid their clutches.

She revealed: “The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available.

“So if Lindsay doesn’t want someone to grab her ass she’d better keep her shirt on straight.

“Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

At Lynwood, Lindsay is expected to spend her time in the jail’s segregation unit for her own safety.

There, inmates are locked up for 23 hours a day in a tiny cell with a bunk bed, toilet and sink.

Their sole hour outside their cell can be spent getting fresh air in a roofless room or working out on the handful of rusty exercise machines.

Tamara added: “She’ll be segregated from the general population but where she’s going it is even worse. It’s the wing where the murderers are.

“I don’t think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hardcases will try to scare her. They’ll scream stuff to her from their cells.

“I’ve been in segregation and it was rough. The lights are on the whole time. You hear people screaming all night long. The cells are filthy and kept brutally cold. You get one tiny blanket and that’s it.

This sounds terrible…y like my basement. Are you sure Lindsay’s going to prison and not starring in one of my homemade pornos? Because there’s not much of a difference save for the hour she gets let out. I don’t let any of my prisoners get any fresh air. Too much chance for an escape. Lynwood better step up its lax security.