Starbucks: Official Foot Soldier in War on Christmas?

By Isadora Teich November 9, 2015

In the true spirit of bored people who don’t have enough problems making s**t up to fill the cushiony void, people are super pissed off about Starbucks’s new minimalist Christmas cup.

I mean, yeah, it looks like a solo cup that got left out in the sun with a Starbucks logo on it, but really, who cares?

This all feels a lot like something Glenn Beck would weep softly to himself, but whatever. Other people have wars in their countries. You really gonna throw a fit because your overpriced acidic mocha docha-frappa-wappa with freshly milked vegan in it doesn’t jingle your bells?

On twitter you can experience the full range of Starbucks red cup haters. There’s ones you just kind of feel bad for:

@Starbucks hate the plain red cups sry two tone red cups. #disappointed #reallyiwaitedallyearforthis

— William the Great (@Christo535) November 2, 2015

How empty is this dude’s life? You waited all year for some snowflakes on some future landfill ornaments? We truly do live in a capitalist meme hell.

There are also haters that are just hilariously insecure in their Christian dominion. Check out these people, who I’m sure are a lot of fun at parties.

Pretty kinky, honestly. Seems like the kind of mental and sexual gymnastics good Christian girls do so they can be technically virginal for marriage. #Hot.

Last time I will ever be seen in a starblucks was last week…War On Christmas: Starbucks https://t.co/9FbJhMnfuD via @BreitbartNews

— Alan (@arknightdale) November 7, 2015

I mean god’s on our money, in our pledge of allegiance, has an entire political party trying to ruin our country in its name, and the KKK is still active, but ok Christ Chex. If there is a war on Christmas, it’s just as effective as the War On Drugs, and the War On Terror, and The Vietnam War, and the….

S**t, the 5:30 War? Happens daily at 5:30? I don’t even know, man.

All this proves is that we are all one lazy graphic design decision away from offending the religious right at any time. I’m sure we all care a lot.