Penelope Cruz has done nothing this year besides traipse around the beach in a bikini, tanning her already perfectly golden body, teasing me with her pouty lips. And that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t expect her to be nominated for an Oscar. Unless, she shows some boob. In which case, we can talk about it. Over …

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The best part about being a paparazzi is you get to take pictures of celebrities like Penelope Cruz in their bikinis from 100 yards away and write it off as a business expense. If you’re a regular Joe like me, you’re charged with the class 5 felony of stalking and given a long-winded speech by …

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I’m not sure why you’d care, but Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are planning to marry. The National Enquirer said his mom told him to do it.
“Pilar took her son aside and told him, ‘What’s the matter with you? She’s perfect! You love her, she loves you. Get married.’”
The foundation for a happy marriage always …

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Penelope Cruz hung out with Javier Bardem in France over Easter weekend. She in her bikini, he in his trunks. They made out on the balcony and relaxed in sun chairs lazily reading side by side. Later, they probably ordered room service which they put on their black AMEX card. After a lavish meal of …

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Page Six has an item today about a “steamy” lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
“It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping.”
It …

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Penelope Cruz was hanging out at the beach in Maldives in a bikini with her boyfriend Javier Bardem. You can’t see me, but I’m floating underneath the surface of the water waiting for Penelope to take a swim. When she does, that’s when, like a cobra, I’ll strike, grabbing her boob and making a honking …

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It’s my birthday Saturday so I’ll be in Vegas over the weekend until Monday. Maybe you’ll see new posts Monday and maybe you won’t. Maybe I’ll come back a millionaire or maybe I’ll come back with two broken legs. The only thing we know for sure is I lead a life of mystery and intrigue.

Lindsay …

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I’m on the fence with these shots of Penelope Cruz on a yacht or whatever water vehicle this is. Some shots are decent. Some shots are fug. I would have swung directly towards decent had her friends been really hot, but they aren’t. And in one picture it looks like she’s imitating DiCaprio in Titanic …

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