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Jessica Alba was a hot sixth grader

Jessica Alba wrote an essay for a book called “If I’d Known Then.” In it, she remembers the time she was in sixth grade and had huge breasts. Because of this the elementary school principle and a few “self-righteous” PTA moms labeled her a slut. She also writes,

“Boys are awful. They are made of nothing but hormones until they’re about 20 or 21 . . . It’s fun to have a crush, but don’t think it’s forever . . . And use birth control and condoms, please.”

I got news for Jessica. Boys are nothing but hormones until the day they die. At 80, I’m sure I’ll still be humping the first pretty thing that I see. Hopefully by then people will say I’m senile and that me furiously rubbing my package on their leg is “cute”.

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