ESC

Kristin who?

Look Kristin Cavallari. We know you were on Laguna Beach, the mind-numbing reality show that gave way to the more mind-numbing The Hills. We get that at one point you almost made it onto the D-list. However, that was then and this is now. Now you only have 45 seconds left on your 15 minutes.Maybe if you didn’t think you were better than everyone else and showed up to certain unnamed events, you’d have maybe a full minute left. I mean, 16-year-olds don’t even know who you are anymore. They’re left perplexed when asked about you.

You can’t act either which is why you were cast in Van Wilder 3, a film so bad it has to resort to racial mockery for cheap laughs. As it stands, you should start looking into college or professions that don’t require a high level of skill or talent. What I’m getting at is this. Have you thought about doing porn? Because I may have an offer you can’t refuse.

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