Lindsay Lohan is aggressive, drunk, jobless

Everyone knows Lindsay Lohan is a complete screw-up and a little bit crazy on account of being a redhead and all. Naturally, if there aren’t reports of her hurling drinks at people or getting fired from films over the weekend you can pretty much assume she’s dead. So, whew, Lindsay is still alive.

On Friday night, Lohan physically attacked Samantha Ronson at Trousdale. According to Sam’s Twitter, “Just got a glass thrown at my head. …Hmm – wonder who did it?”

One clubber told the Daily News that Sam was at a table and Lindsay came up from behind like a sneaky panther and tossed a drink at her. Sam was angry but let it go.

Earlier that night, Lindsay was drowning her sorrows at the Chateau Marmont. News was spreading that she was dropped from her upcoming film The Other Side. Sources close to production said it was because Lindsay isn’t “bankable.” Which is totally not true. Who doesn’t want to see a redhead with a drinking problem slur 110 minutes of dialogue? That was a rhetorical question by the way.

Later that night, Lindsay tweeted, “Last night – never again – believe it or not she’s done with the club scene i’ve learned my lesson – sometime’s it just takes a glimpse of reality.” Lindsay done with the club scene? That sounds a little disingenuous. Like a moth to a flame, Lindsay can never be done with the club scene. That’d be like a fish living without water or Paris Hilton living with dignity.

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12 years ago

Knowing the house would be full of people either crazy, larcenous, or both, why would anybody wear their Rolex to Lohan’s house? Still worse, having done so, why in God’s name would then then Take The Watch Off Their Wrist? Is this pure self-destruction or what? Who is doing what to whom?