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Lindsay Lohan’s Probation Report Is Devastating

Something in the LA County Probation Department’s report on Lindsay Lohan drafted after Lindsay’s alleged theft may be so damning, shocking, devastating, more adjectives, that any judge who uses it to determine sentencing would send her to prison right away. No word on what that something is though. What a tease.

The stakes are high if Lindsay doesn’t accept Judge Keith Schwartz’ proposed sentence — which we’re told is 3 months in jail. If Lindsay decides to fight the charge, Judge Stephanie Sautner would use the report to determine sentencing if she decides Lindsay violated her probation. Lindsay faces more than a year in jail for the probation violation.

And even worse for Lindsay … if Lindsay is convicted of felony grand theft, the judge in that case would also consider the scathing probation report. The maximum sentence Lindsay would get for felony grand theft is 1 year in state prison.

Now I’m curious. What is it? Partying and getting drunk every night? Killing kittens with a ball peen hammer? Stabbing homeless people with infected needles? I bet it’s something stupid like driving without a license or not tipping at a restaurant.

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gitmo'
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gitmo'

Playing “pussy pong” with dirty balls?

ur Momz
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ur Momz

Lmao & dirty freckled labias like hers, to practice for prison.

The Blemish
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New Olympic sport?

Chewy
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Chewy

Sounds like Hollywood hype. She could’ve only had one drink of alcohol and that’d be a violation.

Turkisch Yoghurt
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Turkisch Yoghurt

Perhaps Lindsya is going to beg Gov. Jerry Brown for a clemency.

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