Rihanna Is Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive

Esquire named Rihanna their Sexiest Woman Alive. To celebrate, they threw dirt and seaweed on her and took pictures. Congratulations? She also did an interview.

Apparently, Rihanna likes to drink a lot.

ESQ: You drink them at the same time?
RIHANNA: One is tea and one is a shot. I usually like dark liquor — brandy or whiskey — but it’s very high in sugar-content and I have some photo shoots coming up, so I had to switch it up to vodka.
ESQ: What happens in your dressing room before a show?
RIHANNA: I eat lozenges, steam my voice, do my makeup. I Skype my vocal coach and we sit there at the makeup table and do warm-ups for about a half-hour. Then, Jen, my personal assistant slash bartender, brings me a shot that she dilutes with a little something so it’s not so harsh, like orange juice or soda water and lime.
ESQ: Why do you have the shot?
RIHANNA: I have to have it. I take it very seriously, so there is a level of anxiety, always. I overthink everything when it comes to my job. The drink calms my nerves. I sip it while I watch the opening act from my dressing room. Sometimes I go out into the audience. I put on a really big hoodie and sneak out there.

To be honest, Rihanna sounds like a lot of fun. I mean, she even gives old, straight men boners on purpose.

RIHANNA: Anything you want to know about what happens onstage?
ESQ: When you pull the guy out of the audience to do the lapdance routine, do you know who it’s going to be be?
RIHANNA: It’s never pre-planned.
ESQ: Who’s the best candidate?
RIHANNA: The way I pick the person is, whoever I feel doesn’t take themselves too seriously, or who I think would be majorly embarrassed about it. Like these old men… it’s hilarious. At first, it was just going to be girls. And then one night, I brought up a gay guy, and then I started bringing up straight guys. Then I started bringing up older straight men. Did you see the one who was getting way too comfortable?
ESQ: What city?
RIHANNA: I can’t remember the city, but I remember what the guy looked like.
ESQ: What happened?
RIHANNA: He was just getting excited.
ESQ: Like he —
RIHANNA: We have pictures. Esquire

She’s like human Viagra.

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12 years ago

Dirt, seaweed, a stringy wig.  Whatever it takes to cover that Frankenstein forehead.