Gwyneth Paltrow Has Expensive and Useless Hangover Cures

Gwyneth Paltrow offered some pretentious New Year’s Day hangover advice on her GOOP newsletter but thankfully Dr. Michael Lucchesi is here to rain on her parade. Lucchesi, chief medical staff at SUNY Downstate Medical Center and accomplished alcoholic expert, debunks most of Paltrow’s hangover cures.

First, Lucchesi wasn’t too impressed with Gwyneth’s health elixir Mercy, a company she has a stake in. Paltrow praised the “amino acids, vitamins, minerals and herb” drink and suggests mixing it with alcohol for hangover prevention. The good doctor shook his head, scoffed and said the elixir is no more beneficial than water or Gatorade explaining it’s the salts and electrolytes that provide relief and not Gwyneth’s buzzwords.

Lucchesi was also confused as to why Paltrow wants you to drag your ass to a hot steam room. “Alcohol is a diuretic. Why would you want to engage in an activity that would cause you to lose more water and salt?” Well, because a famous person said so. Duh! What a silly question.

As for the vitamin supplements and herbs she and her celeb doctor Dr. Oz suggest, bahumbug. “Most of these are totally water soluble. If you’re drinking water throughout the evening, you’ll just urinate them out.” Somewhere out there Gwyenth went “Aw, crap,” because her scam has been found out.

Paltrow isn’t a complete idiot though. A few things the real doctor agreed with was that you should eat something beforehand, drink lots of water, take Aspirin or Tylenol if needed and eat something palatable. All of which will cost you way less than buying celebrity Gatorade but obviously won’t taste as good since none of these are fortified with the tears of the unborn and Gwyneth Paltrow’s hopes and dreams.

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Claire westwood
Claire westwood
10 years ago

NO WAY! Haha. Mercy saves me from a hangover at least once a week. I’m a wreck without it. Don’t knock it until ya try it… usually theBlemish is spot on too.

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