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You Too Can Have a Shiny Colon Like Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow, in her latest GOOP newsletter, is pushing a GOOP cleanse which is apparently a re-branded cleanse offered by Dr. Alenjandro Junger. “DON’T YOU WANT A CLEAN COLON LIKE ME, YOU FILTHY PEASANTS?!,” Paltrow passive-aggressively writes.

The goop Cleanse

Next week, when it’s back to the grind with work and the daily school run, I’m starting off with Clean, my go-to cleanse from Dr. Alejandro Junger, with whom goop has partnered for the month of January. I’ve used Clean in the past with great results, losing a few pounds and kickstarting a healthier and more energetic New Year. This month, I’ll be doing it along with members of the goop team and we hope you will too. And, it goes without saying, but be sure to check with your doctor before getting started!

Love,
gp

The special GOOP cleanse goes for around $425. The package gives you a three-week supply of herbs and the option of a chocolate or vanilla protein shake. Personally, I like chocolate with my pretentiousness. It gives it more of a kick and the air of superiority it produces smells much nicer.

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Curt FitzpatrickdandilioncookiemonsterThe BlemishPsylliumHuskis10abottle Recent comment authors
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PsylliumHuskis10abottle
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PsylliumHuskis10abottle

Who doesnt have an extra $425 to flush

The Blemish
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Someone cue the drumroll

cookiemonster
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cookiemonster

I wonder if “members of her goop team” know that they are being asked to cleanse.

Curt Fitzpatrick
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I think by “members of the team” she meant her cats, and I think by “being asked” you meant garden hose turkey baster. I think.

dandilion
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dandilion

We can get osteoporosis just like her? Oh whee, let me sell the children and sign up

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