“Give me your finest sheep placenta!,” Victoria Beckham shouts whenever she goes to see her specialist.
A report by The Sun claims Victoria pays up to $500 for a 90-minute facial which involves “shining a red LED light on the face to open the pores, before an afterbirth gel sprinkled with gold flakes is spread on.”
In English, this means they put placenta on her face. Not just any normal placenta, mind you. What is she, a freak? No, her Beverly Hills specialist uses only the placenta from New Zealand sheep. The finest sheep placenta in the world because those sheep have been “untouched by the modern world.” I don’t know about you, but I take that to mean the farmers don’t rape them when they’re bored.
“They have no impurities in their system. The stem cells we harvest are amniotic cells, which means no harm is caused to the animals,” says specialist Dr. Harold Lancer. “The stem cells are preserved because they are full of rich nutrients that fight free-radical damage to the skin and make it more radiant.”
In other words, celebrities are idiots and will believe anyone that uses big sciency words. “Free-radicals, you say?!” *Opens checkbook* I bet these sheep don’t even come from New Zealand. They probably come from Bakersfield. And I won’t be convinced otherwise until I see a birth certificate.