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Chris Evans Trying to Get Laid

Chris Evans tells Women’s Health (via Us) that he’s read to settle down but hasn’t yet met “The One.” Jet Li slumped his shoulders and shed a single tear when he read that.

Evans goes on to describe his dream girl. “I like women who get emotional about babies and puppies. I’ve met some incredibly cool women who are tough, but the woman you marry should have a really soft side.” Any mention of babies and/or puppies triggers an almost Pavlovian response in women kicking their ovaries into overdrive.

As for what he doesn’t look for in a girl?

Evans — who once dated his London costar Jessica Biel — despises “arrogance and false modesty” in relationships. “Nothing is worse than a beautiful girl fishing for compliments by saying how gross she is. On the flip side, I find genuine humility and modesty attractive.”

The Boston native doesn’t like when a woman plays hard to get, either. “I hate that!” he says. “I just don’t like games in general.”

I’m the opposite. I love games. Especially hard to get. “Yoo hoo, where are you? My rag of chloroform is drying out,” I can often be heard shouting.

Chris goes on to mention he’s a “pretty decent tap dancer.” So if you’re wondering why he’s still single, it’s probably because girls get weirded out when he gets a couple drinks in him and starts tap dancing like he’s auditioning for Broadway. The final nail in the coffin is when he ends his number with jazz hands. Yikes. Anything but jazz hands.

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Poops Scott

“…wondering why he’s still single” asked by the guy who made a rape joke.

Nice job, ass.

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