Megan Fox Is Going to Make Jessica Simpson Cry

First thing first. Now that she’s a mom, Megan Fox will not be doing any nude scenes and will be a lot more discerning when it comes to her sexuality in films and photo shoots. Aw, you’ve changed, bro.

“I’m going to be more cautious about choosing films because I’m already thinking about when he’s in school and his friends are going to be showing him my photo shoots with me in a bikini and he’s going to be horrified. So that will deter me from making some of the choices I made before.” The Mirror

Listen, Megan, do you want your kid to be the most popular kid in school or not. How do you think the other children are going to treat him when they scream, “TELL YOUR MOM TO SHOW US HER T*TS!,” and he fails to deliver. Probably the same as if you do show them but in this case, they’ll be giving him a swirly with a lot more pent up sexual frustration.

Now on to the part that will be truly troubling for Jessica Simpson. Megan Fox only gained 23 pounds during her pregnancy.

“I only gained 23 pounds when I was pregnant and I’m still 10 pounds heavier than I was but I don’t want to kill myself trying to get back into shape because it’s not a priority right now,” she says.

“I’m too in love with Noah and I don’t want to be away from him. I don’t want to be at the gym, I just want to be home.”

23 pounds! That’s how much weight Jessica Simpson fluctuates on a good day.