Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Hippie Commune for an Entourage

According to Star magazine, Gwyneth Paltrow’s entourage of 20 includes medical care providers, an allergist, a blood analyst, massage therapists, a yoga instructor, personal trainers and nutritionists. She’s the living embodiment of New Age medicine. Via Celebitchy:

For Gwyneth Paltrow, it really does take a village to keep her forever young!

“Gwyneth has an army of people looking after her health,” says a source revealing that the actress keeps a battalion of 20 medical care providers on call, including an allergist, blood analyst, naturopath and osteopath Vicky Vlachonis, whose actual skill set is murky.

She also has a stress-relief team comprising a meditation teacher, a yoga guru, a Qi Gong expert and not one but four different massage therapists for cupping, Rolfing, hot stones and shiatsu.

And while Gwyn touts herself as a kitchen all-star, her lithe figure is really due to her four nutritionists, three personal trainers and “detox advocate” Dr. Alejandro Junger, who puts her on his signature cleanses.

“If anyone balks at all her gurus, she fires back that with her high-profile lifestyle, it’s necessary. Gwyneth should be the healthiest human walking the planet based on all the medical support she has!”

She basically lugs around a personal spa. What does she need all those health professionals for anyway? It’s not like she’s out saving villagers in some third world country where there’s an ebola epidemic. She lives in a mansion where the only time she has to lift a finger is to tap a little bell that let’s her human footrest know she’s ready for her albino humpback whale scrub. Though I do agree there’s a lot of stress involved when they don’t scrub at the 67 degree angle you instructed them to. What is this? Amateur hour?

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7 years ago

And she has a “Gatling Gun” of penises lined up to fire at all times.

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