Overpaid Rap Artist A$AP Rocky Bangs Nine Chicks on Acid, Proves He Knows His 3 Times Tables

It seems like doped-up celebrities are outed by the solstice; first Lance Armstrong, then Doc Ellis, now A$AP Rocky?! To whom are we expected to set our collective moral compass?

The rapper from Harlem, NY, best known for his “rap mob’s” A$AP upside down American flag t-shirts sold at Pac Sun and single “Fuckin’ Problems,” will now be best known for plowing 9 ladies while on acid and bragging about it to the New York Post. Thanks for keeping us informed about what really matters, chain-smoking old lady who is clearly the only employee at the New York Post.

Fuckin’ problems is pretty much the opposite of what you seem to have, Rocky. Unless you’re referring to the boredom you expressed in the song, in which case we suggest you seek some medical advice. A$AP gloated to the New York Post that he dropped some acid and “fucked nine chicks. It was pretty rad. True story.” The overpaid rapper clarified that he did not bang all nine at one time; why that would be silly! “It’s like group sex,” he explained. “You have three at a time, and then you have three orgies. That’s nine chicks.” Solid math, Rocks! High five! Now we see why you’re paid the big bucks!

Unsurprisingly, this drug filled romp took place at SXSW where A$AP’s buddy and fellow mob member Makonnen generously donated the acid. This was only confirmed by Makonnen on Twitter with a link to the New York Post article – classy, Makonnen. Meanwhile, the rest of us can’t even get a minimum wage job without a drug test.

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