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Ridiculous Wedding Redefines the Word Classy: 26 Cops, 7 Arrests, 2 Hospitalizations

As someone who binge watched My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding at what was clearly a low point in my life, I think every episode has just been dominated by a reality-TV-free Pennsylvania wedding.

One joyous occasion bears the majesty of seven arrests, a fist fight over whether 14 is a reasonable drinking age, a wedding attendant grabbing a police officer’s…baton, and the happy couple spending their first night separately with the groom in jail and the bride in the hospital with a touch of alcohol poisoning.

The night began with a guest finding a drunk 14-year-old and bringing the issue to his mother’s attention. She decided the best response would be to give a nice, reasonable punch to the informants face.

When police initially arrived, guests were making full use of the venue, running amok some shirtless and bloodied. The bride was found upset on the ground, surrounded by a circle of girlfriends, “very upset at what happened.” As order was being restored, the groom, clearly upset, challenged the officers to a fight.

“I tried reasoning with him, telling him that he didn’t really want to get arrested on his wedding night,” Officer Showalter wrote in the affidavit.

Clearly, he did, Showalter. Clearly he did.

Another guest was arrested walking out to his car covered in blood.Tthe police found three large folding pocket knives in his pants; obviously, he came prepared to the wedding…like for real, this must have been a weapon formal occasion.

Don’t forget about the crotch grabber. When the first officers reported, an intoxicated guest refused to let them in the hall yelling at officers and preparing to fight. Following protocol, police used a stun gun on him, only it didn’t affect him. On the second stun, instead of hitting the ground he just got more aggressive, so the officer took him down with a baton, slapstick-style.

In total, the upsettingly un-televised event required 26 cops, left the groom in jail, sent the 14-year-old to the hospital with a .16 blood alcohol level, and the bride there, as well, being treated for dehydration and alcohol poisoning.

If there was a Venn diagram between this wedding and a frat party, it would pretty much be a circle.

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