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David Letterman Briefly Unretires to Make Fun of Donald Trump, Sports Huge Bulge Onstage

If David Letterman knew Donald Trump would’ve run, he would’ve postponed his retirement. In San Antonio, Steven Martin and Martin Short brought out Letterman as part of their show “A Very Stupid Conversation …With Music.”

He came out relaxed and told the crowd:

“I am so happy to be out of the house! I retired and I had no regrets, none. I was happy. I was complacent. I was satisfied. I was content. And then a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president. I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentlemen.”

Then he went into some not-bad jokes before getting into a top 10 list of “Interesting Facts about Donald Trump”. Probably because CBS would have sued him if he did “Top 10 Interesting Facts about Donald Trump”. Just like how NBC wanted to sue Conan O’Brien over the Masturbating Bear.

The list wasn’t bad at all:

10. That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack

9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name

8. Donald Trump looks like the guy on the lifeboat with the women and children [hard to hear on this one]

7. He wants to build a wall. How about building a wall around that thing on his head?

6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bullsh… Oh wait, that’s me.

5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds. 250 with cologne

4. Trump would like all Americans to know that thing on his head is free range

3. [Dave gave two #3s] That’s not a hairdo, it’s a wind advisory

3. If President, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving

2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he’s starring a movie entitled “No Amigos!”

1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass

Also, Letterman either sported either an extra mic in his right pocket or that dude would make Jon Hamm say “Respect”.

Yeah, I blew up a pic of his gd bulge. You owe me.

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