Grab Your Tin Foil Hats: Megan Fox Has Some Theories About the Great Pyramids

We all know Megan Fox is hot as f**k and most likely that means we have to accept she’s batshit insane. I’m not here to judge Ms. Fox (I am convinced that I am a witch) but I am here to remind her how ridiculous she is. The Ninja Turtles actress is self-described on her Instagram profile as:

Child of the Cherokee Tribe … forest nymph … Lunar Leo mother goddess to 2 bohemian revolutionaries-my kamikaze free spirit & my peaceful warrior.

Jesus Christ, did you get that off a coaster in a newly gentrified region? Anyway, Fox thinks it’s probably time to step away from acting to pursue her true gifts. The L.A. Times recently ran a profile on the actress in which we got these little nuggets of utter what the f**k?

When Megan Fox was 2, she told her mom she was going to be an actress. Not that she wanted to be an actress, but that she was going to be one.

“Sometimes I just know things,” she explains. “I accidentally tap into stuff sometimes. I used to do it as a kid, and I do it as an adult. I crossed over and saw a future string.”

String, as in string theory.

It was during one of these string theory moments that she had a look into the future and saw herself as an actress.

“I don’t think acting is my ultimate passion,” she says about a week before the Ninja Turtles opening. “I have other skill sets and gifts that are much, much stronger that I am obligated to exercise and use. I’m really more intellectually minded.”

We all have our hobbies. I smoke pot. Stalk people on social media. Find new ways to self deprecate. Fox has a different look:

I’ve always been into alternative history, antiquities, archaeology. I’ve always been really consumed by these deep mysteries that exist on our planet that can’t be explained today by science. They eat away at me.

And of course we have Shia LaBeouf to blame for Fox’s batshit craziness.

She and costar Shia LaBeouf were given a tour of of the Great Pyramid of Giza by the Ministry of Antiquities and someone “high-ranking in that field — I will not say who” told the actors that the pyramid was never actually a tomb.

Wow yeah! These were totally dropped on earth to be closer to the aliens, but Fox has a slightly different theory:

They presume they may have been some type of energy plant at some point. The sarcophagus that is in the Great Pyramid was put there by the government for tourism. And that sparked in me an interest in really exposing this sort of thing.

Yeah, yeah yeah. And then she really drives it home.

I think people, in general, are plebeians that are brainwashed by the type of media that they expose themselves to. … People anticipate a shallowness [from me]. They anticipate a self-centeredness and a lack of self-awareness

And just like that, Megan Fox is that weirdo you graduated high school with that seems not to have any self control on Facebook. Cool. The stars are just like us.

[H/T Uproxx]

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7 years ago

“I smoke pot. Stalk people on social media. Find new ways to self deprecate.” per Ally Sabatini.

Sorry babe, but the SJW Princess vibe you put off says that that is all BS. You are way too uptight to be the type to sit around and smoke a bowl and be chill. I picture you more as the Melissa Click type.

Sorry, but the bad hair and glasses vibe fits…..

7 years ago

Silly, everyone knows they were used to store grain.

7 years ago

Ms. Sabatina’s dearth of syntactical resources renders witless any attempt at a wry, sardonic tone.

Inre: “Child of the Cherokee Tribe”: Tribal citizenship in the Cherokee Nation requires an ancestor on the Dawes Roll with a blood degree.