The Paltrow-Martin Clan Will Dominate White Culture for Another Generation

Well, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have spawned a new breed of entertainers to potentially rule the whitest corners of pop culture.

At a Boys and Girls Club event, Chris Martin of Coldplay accompanied his two children, Apple and Moses, on a couple of tunes. It turns out the kids can sing! Why that’s surprising is a mystery and it’s not like we’ve got Adele 2.0 on our hands.

Apple, looking exactly like her mother, who probably shares Gwyneth’s predilection for $1000 toilet paper, covers an Ariana Grande song.

And Moses, looking like a baby Justin Bieber, sang “House of Gold” by 21 Pilots

So, if you’re longing for some non-offensive, white as snow music to add to your collection in ten years, keep an eye out for those Paltrow kids. Hopefully, they’ll stay away from their mother’s profession of blogging.