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Sienna Miller Has ‘Fighter Pilot Thumbs’ for Nipples

Sienna Miller nipples sound awkward. In an Allure magazine interview, she calls them “fighter pilot thumbs.” I have no idea what that means.

She was talking about motherhood and how breastfeeding ruins your breasts. Kids, always ruining everything.

“I do miss my breasts being where they were…And, yes, I have nipples like fighter pilots’ thumbs. But I also sort of like that they’re a little ’70s. And that they fed my kid.”

Let’s unravel that. Fighter pilot thumbs that come from the 1970s. Nipples haven’t changed much from the 1970s I assume. Fighter pilot thumbs probably looks like everyone else’s thumbs.

We need visual evidence. So, I did a little research.

Other than finding out she likes sex in bathrooms, sleuthing only detected topless Sienna Miller photos before she had kids. That’s ok, no one wants to look at disfigured nipples. Enjoy fully formed, perky nipples here (NSFW).

In the rest of her interview, she gets into motherhood, which sounds horrendous. It can be summed up as dogs eating puke while a mother slips around naked in it.

“I had an amazing moment the other day where I just heard this ‘Mama!’ from upstairs…And as I got to the landing I just smelled, like, puke…She [Sienna’s daughter] had the norovirus or whatever. I was like, ‘I’m coming, I’m coming!’ And I skidded on the sick and fell. Whacked my head…and then the dog comes up and starts eating the sick…I’m just, like, literally naked, mopping, and crying at midnight.”

I can feel my vas deferens curling up already.

Miller is a single mother right now, but recently, rumors popped up that she and Brad Pitt have a thing going. She denied it, but whatever. They make a good couple. His six kids could help mop up her little kid’s puke.