You know how for years you’ve been told that milk gives you strong bones? Yeah, they lied.
Alright, maybe they didn’t lie. But what they kept from you is that tequila can also give you strong bones. And if you want to be the friggin’ Hulk, take a shot of tequila and chase it with some milk. Actually, don’t do that. It’s probably disgusting.
According to Science Daily, a study shows that the blue Agave tequilano plant improves the body’s ability to absorb calcium and magnesium. They did this study on mice, so you know it’s legit. The mice that had the plant were able to produce 50% more osteocalcin. That’s a protein that signifies new bone production.
But here comes Harvard to suggest that the negative effects of tequila outweigh the positive effect of bone growth. This is why we call you a bunch of nerds, Harvard. I, a man who loves taking tequila shots, have to disagree. Here are the negative effects of tequila: you make bad decisions, but you don’t remember 90 percent of them anyway. Nothing wrong with a little memory loss, am I right? Now, the positive effects are that you get stronger bones.
Your memory is going to fade the older you get anyway. May as well speed up the process. But if you can make your bones stronger, you’ll live longer. I think that’s how that works. I’m not a scientist and I’ve already had three shots of tequila while writing this. It’s probably a bad decision to write this while tossing back tequila, but I’m not going to remember writing this in an hour and I’m going to have strong bones because of it.
If scientists want to try this experiment on a human instead of a mouse, I volunteer as tribute. Just tell me which bar we’re meeting at and bring your credit card.