Ashton Kutcher Starved Himself to Get Bikini-Fit After His Divorce

According to People, after his split with Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher took off into the mountains and starved himself for a week, subsisting on water and tea. He clearly had some sort of psychotic break while he was up there, because he came down and started doing Two and a Half Men, a show that even at its best was barely watchable.

“Right after I got divorced, I went to the mountains for a week by myself,” Kutcher, 40, said in a wide-ranging interview on his pal Dax Shepard‘s new podcast, Armchair Expert. “I went into Big Sky in Montana, and I did no food, no drink — just water and tea.”

Not only did Kutcher fast, he went completely off the grid. “I took all my computers away, my phone, my everything,” he explained. “I was there by myself so there was no talking, and I just had a notepad and a pen and water and tea for a week.”

And that’s how he thought of The Ranch. He took his pen and paper and said “I should call my friend who has absolutely never raped anyone, I don’t even know why someone would even imply that, Leah Remini probably just made it up, and do a show where we play conservatives for some reason.” Okay, he actually tripped out and did tai chi.

“I started to hallucinate on like day 2 which was fantastic,” he said. “It was pretty wonderful. I was doing tai chi with my own energy.”

Asked by Shepard if he has any experience with the martial art form, Kutcher said with a laugh, “No, I was just doing what came to me.”

I call cultural appropriation on that, I need to wrap this story up so I can go start a Tumblr about how problematic this is.

“I wrote down every single relationship that I had where I felt like there was some grudge or some anything and then I wrote letters to every single person and sent the letters on day 7. I typed them all out and sent them.”

Yeah, that’s what everyone wants, a letter from their ex while he’s hallucinating and Risky Business-ing around a cabin in the middle of no where. Ashton Kutcher’s next apology letter should be to his daughter for naming her Wyatt. By the way, if the only thing he took with him was a pen and paper and some teabags, how did he type up the letters?

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