Paris Hilton’s Fiancé, Apparently the Future Viscount Greystoke, Says She’s ‘Most Intellectual Woman’ He’s Ever Met

Paris Hilton is engaged, and that’s good for her. Even better for her is her fiancé, Chris Zylka, is integrating back into society after disappearing in the dark heart of Africa and being raised by the apes. At least I’m assuming that’s what happened because he told Entertainment Tonight that Hilton is “one of the most intellectual women I’ve ever met.”

Remember when Paris had a reality show and asked if Walmart sold “stuff for walls?”

It’s actually funnier when she asks what a soup kitchen is, because she’s both dumb and privileged.

I shouldn’t be mean to Paris Hilton, it’s not like she told Larry King she voted in a presidential election in 2006 or something. Oh, wait, she totally did that.

Of course, she’s also a DJ, and it’s not like they’re stupid. Wait, they are? Almost exclusively? Wow, things are not looking good for Paris here.

Well, Chris Zylka is a model who played a dumb pretty boy on the Cougar Town pilot, a role he was replaced in by Nick Zano when it was picked up to series and required someone who could actually act. Of course, that means he’s met Courtney Cox and Christa Miller, so either they’re dumber than Paris Hilton or Chris is. Would you like to take bets on which one of those are true?

“It was inspired by her mother’s engagement ring,” he revealed of the $2 million sparkler. “I know she’s very family oriented and old fashioned, so we just designed a pear-shaped ring that was good enough for Paris Hilton.”

Yes, that is old-fashioned. Of course, I’m pretty sure Hilton’s family used to own people, so maybe let’s not get too old-fashioned.

Well, at least they look cute together. It’s nice that two absolute morons with nothing but millions upon millions of inherited dollars can find happiness.

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