Oh, Florida Man, you’re at it again. We haven’t heard from you much after you were elected president, but it’s nice to see you get back to your roots. Those roots, as it turns out, involve walking into a store to buy beer with a live alligator and chasing someone around the store.
That’s just normal Florida behavior, if you ask me. Luckily, the story gets better. The man, Robby Stratton, told Action News Jax he has no recollection of the incident at all, and added “I don’t even remember coming up here.”
He also had no idea where he got the alligator from in the first place, saying “I literally came to the store and he was in the back of the truck.”
Okay, so, what happens after the hilarious video of the drunk redneck running around with a mysterious bondage alligator that just hopped in his truck? Well, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, he could face up to five years in jail for illegally possessing an alligator.
That honestly seems harsh. After watching the video, I’m convinced the alligator was the brains of the operation. Much like the Batman villain Scarface, Stratton was actually being given instructions by the alligator who taped his own jaws shut so as not to draw attention to himself.