Florida is an amazing place. It’s often called America’s Dong because pretty much everyone who lives there is a dong. Like that dude who was just running around a store with an alligator? Yeah, Florida.
Today’s Florida story involves a dude who got naked and decided to make some cookies in his George Foreman grill. It’s really not for cookies. And If you just decide to leave the cookies on the Foreman grill forever it’s going to burn your house down. Which is exactly what happened.
I mean, that’s an okay story. Guy burns his house down trying to make cookies in a Foreman grill. Does it get better? You bet your ass it does.
He was completely naked while he was making cookies in his George Foreman grill and burning his house down. Which is a pretty good story. But I think we can make this a great story.
Okay, so when the fire department showed up, he opened the front door, completely naked, smoke billowing out of his house that was on fire, and he was like “oh, hey dudes, sorry,” and then closed the door and went back inside. Then the police showed up and he once again answered the door naked and just wandered back into the house.
Once the firemen got inside the house, they discovered he had tried to put his Foreman grill fire out by piling some dry towels on it. The towels caught fire. Because all setting flammable things on a fire does is get you more fire.
The man admitted to the police that he had been drinking, which is pretty much a given when you try to bake on an electric griddle and put out a fire with kindling. He drank 2 liters of vodka, which is somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 bottles. And his kitchen was on fire. I have no idea how this dude is still alive, but he’s fine. You know, aside from being the kind of person who drinks 3 bottles of vodka and nearly burns his house down.
[Image: Flickr/Walter]