If You Were Hoping for a Bill Cosby Sex Tape, You’re in Luck

A lot of people had a lot of sex at the Playboy Mansion, and ancient pervert Hugh Hefner recorded it all, which is kind of creepy. And it was just Hefner injecting his ancient dick full of rhino hormones or whatever long enough to f**k whatever 22-year-old totally really loved him and wasn’t just after his money, it was also his friends and all sorts of other celebrities who never grew out of the 1970s.

One of those friends is Bill Cosby, currently in a Pennsylvania state prison for giving a woman the old sneaky pudding pop. One of the other women who has accused Cosby of drugging and raping her thinks there’s video proof in Hef’s personal spank bank. According to The Daily Mail the lawyers for Chloe Goins have found “hundreds of hours” of sex tapes that Hef had claimed to have dumped into the ocean.

Ms Goins says the shamed celebrity – one of Hefner’s longtime friends – gave her a drink and that she later awoke to find herself naked with Cosby biting her toes with his pants around his ankles. She would’ve been 18 at the time.

Biting her toes? Really? I used to do Picture Pages with that man when I was child. I looked forward to it! It turns out Mortimer Ichabod Marker was full of flunitrazepam and now I have to live with the image of him biting toes and raping people so Hugh Hefner had something to stroke his wrinkly old cock to.