Miley Cyrus is NOT Having a Baby Right Now, Thank You

So, remember earlier this week when I talked about how Margot Robbie had fucking had it with being asked about when she’s going to start pushing out some babies? Well, the media has a new potential target for celebrity spawn. Miley Cyrus.

We all know that Miley Cyrus finally married Liam Hemsworth at the end of December. That was roughly four or five weeks ago.

And now that these two have officially wed, the media has decided that these to need to get on with that babymaking! I mean, these two have been married for almost an entire month! After all, Cyrus is already 26 years old, and Hemsworth is pushing 3o. Tabloids speculated and reported this week about how Cyrus and Hemsworth were expecting. OK! Magazine even said that not only was Cyrus pregnant but that she was having a girl.

Well, Cyrus went ahead and shot that s**t down when she came out with this statement on Instagram:

“I’m not ‘Egg-xpecting’ but it’s ‘Egg-celent’ to hear everyone is so ‘Happy For Us’ We’re happy for us too! ‘Egg-cited’ for this next chapter in our lives …. Now , can everyone leave me alone and go back to staring at an egg [reference to Kylie Jenner egg story this week].”

There is nothing tabloids love more than a celebrity pregnancy. That, and correctly reporting a celebrity pregnancy, regardless of whether it’s true or not. Just ask Jennifer Aniston. She’s been declared pregnant by the tabloids about eighty seven times in the last twelve years.

Celebrity pregnancies are catnip because that means the media has nine months of covering protruding bellies, pregnancy fashion and birth dates. And of course, then they get to document the post-pregnancy body! A celebrity baby story is pretty much a gold mine for tabloids and paparazzi.

There are two subjects that really get the tabloid reporters foaming at the mouth: weddings and babies. Since Hemsworth and Cyrus already fulfilled the wedding bit, now the media wants them to get cracking with the babymaking. Unfortunately, guys, as far as the media is concerned,  you’re chopped liver until you’re ready to shove out that Cyrus-Hemsworth hybrid.

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