Jake Paul and Tana Mongeau Are Dating, and Their Nightmare Spawn Will Open the Fifth Seal

Tana Mongeau has taken a break from looking for makeup slaves to spend some quality time with Jake Paul, the most annoying person on the Internet. I still honestly don’t know why Jake Paul is famous. I’ve tried everything to understand it except for watching his videos for more than 30 seconds because I value my mental health.

Apparently Paul revealed his relationship with Mongeau in a video on his channel.

Okay, that’s 25 minutes long. You know what you can watch in the time it would take to watch that? Something actually good like an episode of 30 Rock or How I Met Your Mother. And yes, I have seen them all at least five times but I’d still way rather watch them again then even one second of this, so I’m getting a recap of it from The Daily Dot, a news site roughly as reputable as we are.

Though Paul kept referring to Mongeau as a good friend—basically winking at the audience for the entirety of his vlog—it appears the two are more than that. Or maybe they’re not. After all, YouTube relationships and breakups are faked all the time for pageviews and notoriety.

Awesome, so it might not even be real. Tana also has a new video out about it.

18 minutes. Total runtime of these two videos: an entire John Mulaney stand-up special on Netflix. I like The Comeback Kid but they’re all great.

You know, unless we take immediate action on climate change, it’s going to kill us all. And I now welcome that inevitable entropy because it’s way better than whatever the hell is happening in these videos.

Did Jake Paul invent those sneakers you inflate with little basketball on the tongue? Is that why he’s famous?

It’s probably lucky for him he’s famous on YouTube, from the looks of him his only other options involve low-level travelling carnival work or renting surfboards.