Ladies, if your swimsuit doesn’t cover your vagina, you might want to consider the possibility you’ve put it on wrong. Because if you just go “Hunh, that’s weird” and walk around a waterpark with your vagina exposed you will be asked to leave and then be embarrassed by your friends on social media when your complaint to the company goes viral.
If that sounds too specific to be a general summertime tip, it’s because this very thing did happen to a Twitter user named Lyndsey.
thank god lyndsey got chucked out ocean after this pic.twitter.com/br28wBoMJi
— emma (@emmmamilroy) June 29, 2019
Don’t you wish you had friends who would tell the entire internet you put your Andre the Giant-style Swimsuit on upside down and showed a boutique fashion label your gusset?
Think Andre ever made that mistake and came to the ring with his singlet on upside down and his cock flapping in the breeze? Probably not, because unlike Lyndsey, Andre could hold his liquor.
I went to Ocean Beach wearing the swimsuit in perfect condition and the CORRECT way – had too much fun with alcohol, went to the toilet a few hours later and put my swimsuit on upside down WITHOUT KNOWING. I then got kicked out after this for being a lightweight NOT a tramp xxx
— Lyndsey (@lyndseybrown_) June 30, 2019
BEFORE IT ALL WENT WRONG, she looked class whether her vagina was in or out 💗💗 ps sorry we were all too drunk to notice either pic.twitter.com/OfVkQhvKw0
— hannah kelly (@hannahkellly_) June 30, 2019
Swimsuit or not, why are you getting all the way naked to pee? Just pull the strap off your shoulder and slide it down, keep your legs in the holes.
By the way, how would you like to be the social media person for Pear Swimsuits who had to field this? “Ach, ah wasnae plannin’ on seein’ this dobber’s fanny todae.” See, because they’re all Scottish and therefor their speech is unintelligible to civilised people.
And remember, if you can feel the air on your genitals in public, something has probably gone wrong.
WTF is all I have ot say