Weekend at Jong-Un’s: North Korean Leader Either on Beach Vacation or Dead… or Both

There have been a lot of conflicting reports about the well-being of North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un in the past few days, so here’s what we know for sure: he falls somewhere on a scale between “fine” and “dead.”

It’s not really a lot to go on, but actual news organizations have reported both of these things and everything inbetween over the weekend.

For example, the Sydney Morning Herald reports that Kim is just on the beach hanging out.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has been detected by US sources walking in the port city of Wonsan, days after rumours spread that he was gravely ill after surgery.

South Korean newspapers have published accounts from sources who claim the leader was inspecting construction of the city’s designated tourist area – a sprawling resort complex in the old trading port.

Japan’s Shukan Gendai, however, is reporting Kim is in a vegetative state, which is a polite way of saying brain dead, but in the literal way and not just the way Donald Trump and Joe Biden are brain dead. An NBC News reporter also tweeted and then retracted this brain dead report.

If Kim really is dead, is apparent successor would be his sister Kim Yo-Jong, who seriously looks like a supervillain.

Reports: Kim Yo-Jong may soon become the world's hottest dictator pic.twitter.com/mIeCDDfvSI

— Reverend Calvin Barnes (@VoiceofCal) April 25, 2020

Kim Yo-Jong has become something of a meme but seriously, you look at that picture and tell me that isn’t the look of someone who just lowered James Bond into a tank full of sharks.

We may honestly never know if Kim Jong-Un is alive or dead. I do not put it past North Korea to just slap some sunglasses on him and Weekend at Bernie’s him for a few months while they try to figure out what to do.