Ron Jeremy Needs Help Saving His Wood

Despite being very familiar with who he is, I don’t know a lot about Ron Jeremy. I know he has a massive dong and that he didn’t get his nickname, the hedgehog, for being a handsome dude. But I don’t really know anything about his interests or hobbies beyond boning.

It turns out Ron is sentimental and he is especially attached to a tree his dad planted when he was born. That’s kind of sweet, right? I never imagined Ron being born, I just assumed he came into the world as a fully-formed avatar for unattractive dudes to use to self-insert themselves into porn.

The bad news is that New York’s Parks Department wants to cut it down.

The tree, not Ron’s huge hog.

Ron’s a real softie. Again, not talking about his penis.

And sadly, it seems his campaign to save the tree isn’t going well.

The Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh talks a lot about trees as a metaphor for the circle of life and reincarnation and the way the leaves of the tree don’t die, they just change their form and function to the tree. So there’s a certain beauty to the idea that if Ron can’t save his tree as it is now, he may be able to grow a new tree from a clipping and it that way his tree would continue to live and grow.

But hopefully the tree can be saved, Ron deserves a break. You know, other having a career having sex with beautiful women that spanned decades.

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