Ron Jeremy Needs Help Saving His Wood
Despite being very familiar with who he is, I don’t know a lot about Ron Jeremy. I know he has a massive dong and that he didn’t get his nickname, the hedgehog, for being a handsome dude. But I don’t really know anything about his interests or hobbies beyond boning.
It turns out Ron is sentimental and he is especially attached to a tree his dad planted when he was born. That’s kind of sweet, right? I never imagined Ron being born, I just assumed he came into the world as a fully-formed avatar for unattractive dudes to use to self-insert themselves into porn.
The bad news is that New York’s Parks Department wants to cut it down.
The tree, not Ron’s huge hog.
I need your help.
help me save my tree.
this tree was planted by my dad the day I was born. Please let Con Edison know that they cannot tear down this tree. @conedison 61-24 bell Blvd
Bayside Queens NY 11364 please help me save my tree. pic.twitter.com/XXkYjBiY9O— Ron Jeremy (@RealRonJeremy) May 16, 2020
A reporter contacted me and let me know that this is not Con Edison‘s jurisdiction. It’s actually New York parks and recreation. Please ask them to save my tree. @NYCParks #SaveRonsWood #RonJereTree HELP ME SAVE MY TREE RETWEET @SnoopDogg @RuPaul @chelseahandler @jackblack https://t.co/KLPvXOpRbW
— Ron Jeremy (@RealRonJeremy) May 17, 2020
Ron’s a real softie. Again, not talking about his penis.
And sadly, it seems his campaign to save the tree isn’t going well.
I’m not sure, but if they have to tear down my tree they may do it tomorrow. Is there anyone that knows about seedlings or trimmings that could help me save and replant this tree?
61-24 bell Blvd
Bayside Queens NY 11364 please help me save my tree @NYCMayor @NYCParks pic.twitter.com/ugPqZRVNyO— Ron Jeremy (@RealRonJeremy) May 18, 2020
The Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh talks a lot about trees as a metaphor for the circle of life and reincarnation and the way the leaves of the tree don’t die, they just change their form and function to the tree. So there’s a certain beauty to the idea that if Ron can’t save his tree as it is now, he may be able to grow a new tree from a clipping and it that way his tree would continue to live and grow.
But hopefully the tree can be saved, Ron deserves a break. You know, other having a career having sex with beautiful women that spanned decades.