Jessica Simpson’s pants can’t contain her

Jessica Simpson @ Madison Square Garden

At Thursday’s performance in Madison Square Garden, Jessica Simpson admitted to fans that on a few occasions, she’s split her pants straight down the middle when she “bent down to reach a note.” Simpson, laughing, continued, “That’s why I’m wearing a skort — not a skirt, not a short — just so they wouldn’t split.”

By note, she probably meant she saw a Jolly Rancher on the ground. Can’t let those go to waste. Especially the watermelon ones. Jessica ended her night on a high note as she managed not to split her skort or suffer a near nervous breakdown during her 35-minute set. Because when you’re Jessica Simpson, that’s considered a good day. A great day would be if she got those damned jelly bean filled donuts she ordered. What do you mean they don’t exist?! Make them exist.

jessica simpson msg 01jessica simpson msg 02jessica simpson msg 03jessica simpson msg 04

Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
capt. cornhole
capt. cornhole
11 years ago

Several times a day my pants can’t contain me. Usually if I stop in the men’s room and wax the bishop, things are all better.

Capt. Cornhole Jr.
11 years ago

She needs more semen in her diet

Load more