Snooki will go sober

Having been arrested for disorderly conduct, Snooki has vowed to cut back on her drinking because her dad yelled at her.

“My dad was very, very pissed,” she revealed. “He’s like, ‘I didn’t raise you like this.’ I just felt really bad, so I’m definitely going to stop drinking during the daytime. And now when I go out, I only have a couple drinks.”

My eyes rolled so much that one of them went wonky like Paris Hilton’s. There’s not a chance Snooki keeps away from alcohol. Just like a fish needs water, Snooki needs to get wasted. Plus, producers aren’t going to let this happen. Jersey Shore would be the most boring thing ever if this Oompa Loompa wasn’t acting like a drunk lunatic all the time. They’d force tequila through her veins with an iv if they had to.

Now I’d like to end this post with one of the most self-aware quotes you’ll ever hear from Snooki. “I’m not a criminal. It’s just a drunken mistake.” Indeed, Snooki. Indeed. That should be the tag line of her MTV profile but change the “it’s” to an “I’m.”

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