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Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney Broke Up Because She Killed His Cat or Cheated

What’s a break up if not on the worst terms imaginable? Gaga killed his cat! Taylor came clean about thinking he was a serial date rapist! Gaga once lit all his high school sports memorabilia aflame! He cheated! She cheated! He cheated! No, she cheated!

Ok, so if we’re going to run with the story that she had to have cheated and that’s how their 5-year-relationship came to an end, who could it have been with? Creative minds have figured it must be an American Horror Story: Hotel co-star. But who? Matt Bomer is beautiful, but gay, married and gleaming. Dennis O’Hare? Same story. Evan Peters doesn’t seem like the Gaga type so we’re gonna go with pretty-boy and apparently-not-gay, Finn Wittrock.

Look at him! I would cheat on my taxes for him! I don’t give a fuck!

Gossip columns are taking the liberty of running with this story and I don’t blame them. Break ups are juicy, especially if they’re not. I mean there is so much blank space to fill in with our wildest fantasy. I think she killed his cat, but it seems to be amicable from here on out. We’ll know more with the next Instagram post.

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You are the worst kind of person to assume Finn Wittrock had an affair with Lady Gaga. Finn has been with his wife for 10+ years. They are happy together. He would never cheat on her. Fuck you and this trash article.

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