Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Women to Put Stone Eggs in Their Vag

This is what happens when you’re too rich and comfortable. I’m too concerned about paying rent to worry about whether my pussy needs some turquoise jammed up in it. Thanks, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Famously out of touch Gwyneth Paltrow, who thinks all moms should just hire assistants to raise their kids for them and eats moon dust, thinks that jamming rose quartz in your snatch will help you release negative energy.

According to Goop‘s latest newsletter, putting a rose quartz or jade egg in your vag is an ancient Chinese secret.

“The strictly guarded secret of Chinese royalty in antiquity – queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors – jade eggs harness the power of energy work, crystal healing and a Kegel-like physical practice.

“Fans say regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general.”

S**t, can we tell these Hollywood fucks that sending me $2o is an ancient Chinese secret that makes your skin flame resistant? I bet they’ll be all over it.

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