People Keep Bringing Cucumbers to See ‘Fifty Shades Darker’

Just buy a fucking dildo. Y’all know they make ones of those that vibrate, right?

Apparently, Dakota Johnson is the only one whose learned anything about sex toys from Fifty Shades Darker.

A manager at a movie theater in Australia really fucked up when he found a cucumber left in the theater after a Fifty Shades screening and then picked it up with his bare hands to show everyone on Facebook.

He’s the real kinky one. Goddamn.

A lot of people thought it might be some kind of bizarre marketing ploy, but another guy in the UK found not one, but two cucumbers in the theater after a Fifty Shades screening.

Some dirty birds in Leeds…. 50 Shades Darker has just been on….. #cucumber 😂 #50ShadesDarker pic.twitter.com/KeldcL2C83

— ⚽Stevie G #GUAFC⚽💙💛 (@s90rny) February 12, 2017

Y’all paying money to watch softcore porn in public when you could stay home and watch quality porn for free while strapped into a fucking machine.

You could be watching two dogs fuck on a boat while a fifty-year-old man puts on lipstick and throws a teenage girl with fake breasts into the ocean for free if you wanted.

Y’all deserve to be kink shamed.

[H/T Someecards]