People Keep Bringing Cucumbers to See ‘Fifty Shades Darker’

Just buy a fucking dildo. Y’all know they make ones of those that vibrate, right?

Apparently, Dakota Johnson is the only one whose learned anything about sex toys from Fifty Shades Darker.

A manager at a movie theater in Australia really fucked up when he found a cucumber left in the theater after a Fifty Shades screening and then picked it up with his bare hands to show everyone on Facebook.

That awkward moment when you find a cucumber in the cinema after a Fifty Shades session…😳

Posted by Hayden Orpheum Picture Palace on Monday, February 13, 2017

He’s the real kinky one. Goddamn.

A lot of people thought it might be some kind of bizarre marketing ploy, but another guy in the UK found not one, but two cucumbers in the theater after a Fifty Shades screening.

Y’all paying money to watch softcore porn in public when you could stay home and watch quality porn for free while strapped into a fucking machine.

You could be watching two dogs f**k on a boat while a fifty-year-old man puts on lipstick and throws a teenage girl with fake breasts into the ocean for free if you wanted.

Y’all deserve to be kink shamed.

[H/T Someecards]

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7 years ago

I nearly snorted coffee out my nose for that second last line…