ESC

Suri Cruise Crushed By Hillary Clinton’s Loss

I wonder how the Church of Scientology feels about Katie Holmes raising their favorite meat puppet’s sprog to be neoliberal garbage?

Tom Cruise will probably be literally crushed by the crazy MI6 stunt he’s been training to do for a year, so maybe we’ll never know.

Page Six reports that in a recent interview, Katie Holmes and her 10-year-old daughter, Suri, were totes crushed when Hillary lost.

“I know I thought Hillary was going to win this year, it just hurt so badly when she didn’t — and I know that it hurt my child so much as a 10-year-old.”

Turns out the DNC can only rig their own internal elections. Weird. Thanks for pushing the least popular candidate in years at the expense of the entire planet, y’all. Holmes says Clinton’s loss really made her think.

“Oh we have a long way to go as women … We have to raise our girls to be very strong, not just for themselves, but to open the doors for other people.”

Suri went along for the ride as her mother campaigned for Clinton and met her at a fundraiser in 2015, making the loss even harder for the kid.

In ten years she’ll embrace anarcho-communism in college anyway, or whatever kids will do by then. She’ll get over it.

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