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Pharmadouche Martin Shkreli In Prison Over Hillary Clinton Hair Request

Martin Shkreli probably isn’t the worst person in the world, but he is certainly the one who most revels in his image of being hated by the entire world. Shkreli came to national attention when he bought a company that makes Daraprim, a lifesaving medication mainly used by AIDS patients and raised the price from $17.50 per pill to $750 per pill. He then used his profits to buy a one of a kind Wu-Tang Clan album.

Recently, Shkreli was convicted of three counts of securities fraud, after the judge somehow managed to find twelve jurors who didn’t already hate him. It’s important to note that while Shkreli is facing up to 20 years in prison, his conviction was unrelated to his raising prices on Daraprim, which is completely legal in the United States for some reason.

Despite that, Shkreli thought it would be funny to tell people he’d pay them for a strand of Hillary Clinton’s hair so he could analyze her DNA. This is a pretty dumb thing to do when you’re on bail, as Shkreli soon learned, when a federal judge revoked his $5 million bond and sent him to prison, according to CNBC.

Literally all this moron had to do to stay out of prison during sentencing and the appeals process was not offer to pay strangers $5,000 to assault a former Secretary of State. And these things can take years. Shkreli could have spent those years pretending to be a pro wrestling heel in a nice penthouse apartment, spending his days looking for more seriously ill people to extort. Now he’s going to spend it in a cold little jail cell, which is what he deserves for disrespecting the Wu-Tang Clan.

  • Nate Fanfare

    It warms my heart, to live under the same sky where that punk bitch is probably getting spit-roasted by two pipe hitting thugs paid in ass-smuggled narcotics to make him a bitch. I slip into a deep slumber as soon as my head hits the pillow.

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