Meet the Human Fidget Spinner

Look, I don’t know how to sugarcoat this story. This is the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ve written about a dude getting his legs eaten and a girl with a spoon as a nose. I’m sure there is some other nasty stuff I’ve written about in the past, but those are the two that stand out.

This one, though. This takes the egg. Errr. Cake.

I’m sorry I had to do that to you. But if I have to witness it, so do you.

That’s Xiao Yan. She’s a 23-year-old who had to have four giant balloons inserted into her face in order to save her life. That giant black mark you see is a birthmark that doctors fear might be cancerous.

There’s a bunch of medical stuff involved, but you don’t actually care about that. Chances are you immediately clicked out of this story the moment you saw the photo. Or you didn’t bother to click the story when you saw the headline image because you thought, “Nope.”

This woman’s mom had to beg villagers to stop making fun of her daughter and her giant black mark. Now, she’s gonna have to beg villagers to stop making fun of her daughter and her giant egg face.

How do they let this girl out of the house? She’s a real life Elephant Man. Except way worse. Even the Elephant Man would keep his face over this girl’s.

I don’t know how this story ends. I hope the mark gets removed and she’s able to live a normal life. But there’s no coming back from this. There’s no way she lives a normal life after having four balloons stuck in her face.

Eat your heart out, Balloon Boy. Balloon Face has you beat by a mile.