James Bond Will Never Be A Woman Says Studio Head

The new lady Doctor Who debuted yesterday, and Jodie Whittaker did an amazing job as The Doctor. Of course, the episode itself was pretty crap, so it was a bit like watching Kenneth Branagh in an Uwe Boll movie. But assuming the writing improves in the remaining episodes, the future of the franchise is in good hands.

As we talk about who is going to be the next James Bond, it’s important to remember that Bond isn’t a Time Lord like The Doctor. Bond was supposed to be the same character from Dr. No to Die Another Day. James Bond isn’t a code name, it’s the name of a single person. And that person is a man according to Bond executive producer Barbara Broccoli.

But there is one thing about which James Bond can rest easy: his manhood. Speaking to the Guardian, 007’s executive producer Barbara Broccoli ruled out any Doctor Who-style gender reinvention for Ian Fleming’s super-spy.

“Bond is male,” she said. “He’s a male character. He was written as a male and I think he’ll probably stay as a male.

“And that’s fine. We don’t have to turn male characters into women. Let’s just create more female characters and make the story fit those female characters.”

This is a shocking approach to storytelling. Creating new characters instead of taking something people already know and making all the characters into women? Ludicris. It would also hurt my ability to sell my all-female remake of The Brady Bunch about the day all nine main characters get their period on the same day. It’s already not so much a movie as it is a cutaway gag on Family Guy, I don’t need actual good ideas competing with it.

The idea of a female James Bond just seems silly to me on the face of it, so I’m glad it was shot down. I don’t have a particular problem with a black actor playing Bond, provided it’s part of (another) reboot of the series, because Daniel Craig and Idris Elba being the same guy is stretching suspension of disbelief a little further than my mind will allow unless everyone spends the movie telling Bond how inappropriate it is to being around in blackface. But there have been worse suggestions for actors to play James Bond.