David Beckham Named People’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Because People Magazine Just Doesn’t Care Anymore

First off, I know people still read People magazine. After all these years though, I suspect their editorial board skews a little higher in age. That or David Beckham has incriminating photos of the board. Those are the only two reasons why Beckham could possibly be named People magazine’s 2015 ‘Sexiest Man Alive’. It makes no sense. Shouldn’t they give this award to someone who’s still relevant? Beckham retired two years ago from soccer. He doesn’t act either. He really doesn’t do anything but go to SoulCycle these days. WTF?

In fact, he’s probably not even the most relevant Beckham. That title goes to Odell Beckham, Jr., he of the one-handed miraculous catch.

Here’s another candidate. Chris Pratt. Way more recognizable these days, supposed great guy, awesome marriage, volunteers at children’s hospitals. I mean, c’mon, if Cosmopolitan has taught me anything, that’s the type of guy women want. And here are 13 ways to please him in bed!

And if Chris Pratt didn’t get People‘s vote, how about either Anthony Sadler, Spencer Stone or Alek Skarlatos? Remember them? Probably not. These Americans stopped a terrorist from shooting up a French train with an AK-47 back a couple of months ago. What we now we realize was probably a precursor to the recent Paris attacks. Those three received the Legion of Honor, French’s highest recognition. Is heroism not sexy?

Nah, whatever. Bend it like Beckham.

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