Logan Paul Uploads Video of Dead Body That Unfortunately Isn’t His Own

I spent the first day of the New Year just fuming about Logan Paul and his antics. Like what is wrong with a person that makes them act that way? It’s a disgusting affront to everything good and decent in the world. Then I found out that he made a YouTube video where he showed a recently deceased suicide victim in the Aokigahara Forest and I was really mad.

In the now-deleted video, Paul, who is the brother of notable YouTube douchebag Jake Paul, takes a trek into the woods where he finds a dead body, because it’s a location famous almost exclusively for the high number of suicides that take place there. And he basically just goes “Whoa dude, a dead body! Suicide is like, totally lame, so don’t do it, like this guy I keep filming did. Catchphrase!” I may have paraphrased that.

Like everything I know about Japan, I learned about the Aokigahara Forest, which is famous for being the spot of an incredibly high number of suicides, by watching anime and chanbara movies. Apparently you can only ever arrive at the forest at night, and someone will invariable comment about the forest being haunted or its reputation as a place where people go to commit suicide. As you wander through the forest, one of your friends will pretend to be a ghost and make fun of you for being scared, but then it’ll turn out there’s a real ghost right behind them! And if you’re very lucky, you might see Mazinger Z hanging out between giant robot fights.

So here’s the part where Logan Paul is a douche: you don’t have to show the suicide victim on your YouTube channel. You can just go back to the nearest police box and tell Ryo-San that you found a body, and then go and make your video once the dead guy has been respectfully removed. Or just don’t upload the video to YouTube. Make a video talking about what happened if you’re so shook up about it. Like how the f**k did you get 15 million YouTube followers if you don’t know how to edit a dead body out of your video?

Needless to say, Logan Paul’s video outraged people who had either never heard of him or already hated him, which means basically everyone in the world over the age of 14.

That’s Aaron Paul of Breaking Bad fame.

But you know who was really mad at Logan Paul? Other YouTubers. See, if people get annoyed enough at one popular YouTuber, they might realize that literally anything on Netflix is more entertaining that even the best YouTube shows. Except maybe JonTron, that dude is hilarious. Oh, and those old Garfunkel and Oates videos from before they got known. Of course, you can see more of Garfunkel and Oates on, you guessed it, Netflix.

I mean, when you’re getting criticized by PewDiePie for bad judgement

Logan Paul did make a tweet apologizing for the video. Let’s take a look.

Wow, holy s**t. This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. “I’ve never made a mistake before, I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to be rich and famous and popular and make videos that everyone loves so much every day, especially with this huge penis I have always getting in the way and tripping me and whatnot.” Okay, he actually made a real apology later.

He actually seems contrite, but for some reason I still kind of want to punch him in the face.

This is why reality TV shows have producers; reality TV stars are dumb as hell. Can we really blame Logan Paul for this? Fifteen million people watch his YouTube videos despite the fact that he has the intellect of a particularly slow goldfish. He’s just a symptom of our long cultural decline, not the cause of it. Hulu has 30 Rock, Frasier and Parks and Recreation, you can watch those shows any time you want, day or night. Be part of the solution. Stop watching morons on YouTube and VH1.

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2 years ago

allah alakbar