Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux Call It Quits, Gerard Butler Wants In

Honestly, this kinda blows. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux consciously uncoupled today.

“In an effort to reduce any further speculation, we have decided to announce our separation,” says a statement released by longtime Aniston publicist Stephen Huvane. “This decision was mutual and lovingly made at the end of last year. We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship.

According to PEOPLE, they’ve been spending a lot of time apart recently which raised eyebrows. Aniston and Theroux said they actually split up at the end of last year, so that timeline makes sense.

PEOPLE gives the sanitized PR version, using the couple’s publicist to spin this. Oh it’s “mutual,” our split was “lovingly” made. Not Radar though. They give more dirt.

According to them, the two had a huge fight at their Bel-Air mansion in December. Right after, Theroux, 46, stormed out and checked himself into a Beverly Hills hotel.

Meanwhile, Aniston, 49, went crying to Gerard Butler’s arms.

“Jen has been leaning hard on Gerard as her relationship with Justin continues to disintegrate!” a source close to the former Friends star told Radar.

[…]

“It seems like Jen has turned to Gerard to fill the void left by Justin,” said an insider.

Yea, I BET he’s gonna fill her void. Hey ohhh!!

Butler’s supposedly making a public play for Aniston. He rated her a better kisser than one of his co-star’s, a certain someone named Angelina Jolie. Bet Aniston loves hearing that.

“Gerard told Jen he’s still carrying a torch for her,” the source revealed.

“He’s made it clear that the timing wasn’t right before, but he’s ready to commit to her now.”

Gossip Cop, being a cock blocker, swooped in and shut down these reports. They write a huge ass post about how there’s no proof of a Butler-Aniston romance. Yet, THEIR only proof that it isn’t happening is a “Butler confidante exclusively tells us there’s no truth to talk of a romance with Aniston.” Oh, your one confidante? Get out of here. Gossip Cop is like the anal one at the party telling you not to take that one last drink. Morons.

Meanwhile, is anyone bringing up Brad Pitt? Dude is single and lurking in his studio listening to Bon Iver. If he can stop being emo for a little bit, maybe he can reconnect with Aniston. Bring this full circle.