ESC

Logan Paul Is Back and Making Videos, Conclusively Proving the Futility of Existence

Logan Paul is on his apology tour for making a video of himself laughing at a suicide victim in the Aokigaha forest. He started with a video last week talking about suicide prevention and today he went on Good Morning America to talk to Michael Strahan who unfortunately didn’t just tackle his narrow ass. That would be good television. Why hire the guy with the most sacks in a single season if you’re not going to let him plaster dudes like Logan Paul, especially a few days before the Super Bowl? Paul could make a vlog about it, and then a whole series about living with CTE, that’d be entertaining.

At one point, Paul says, “I’ve never been hated by the whole world.” Oh my sweet summer child. You really have. You just never knew it because major media outlets weren’t reporting on it. But we were. We were there when your idiot brother was douching it up so hard the HSA tried to evict him. The only reason more people weren’t talking about you is that you managed to fly under the radar by only appealing to 12-year-olds.

Paul also told Strahan “I don’t think everyone should get a second chance. People do horrible things. This was a horrible lapse of judgment, and I can, will, and am going to learn from it and be a better person.”

It should not be hard for Logan Paul to be a better person. If a friend came to me and said “I am going to be a better person than Logan Paul,” I would tell them that’s a pretty low fucking bar and maybe they should aim a little higher, like being a better person than Harvey Weinstein. That’s not fair, Logan Paul isn’t actually worse than Harvey Weinstein. It’s just that if I had to split a cab with one of them, I’d pick Harvey.

The main reason for that is that Harvey wouldn’t tell me he thinks that some Japanese dude killed himself to make Logan Paul a better person, which is what Paul essentially said when he told Strahan he thinks this whole mess “happened for a reason.” That reason was so Paul could raise suicide awareness. It was probably that and not the stress and economic realities of modern-day Japan.

You know, I’m sure Logan Paul has learned his lesson like he says and won’t be douching all over internet anymore, right?

Well, that was quick.

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