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Chrissy Teigen Had Her Vagina Steam-Cleaned Like It’s an Old Carpet

Apparently people are still getting their vaginas steam-cleaned. I thought we had all agreed Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t know what she was talking about, ever. I mean ever. Seriously, she’s not ever right about anything.

But it looks like no one told Chrissy Teigen, who took a break from being America’s favorite Twitter troll (I took a poll and she narrowly beat out some dude with an anime avatar and the name “CuntSlayer1488”) to get her vagina steam-cleaned, posting a picture on Instagram.

At least you have a towel to maintain your dignity during the procedure. I figured they just put you in the stirrups and hooked you up to a Bissel. That might actually seem less stupid, at least you’d have the expectation of it doing something.

The only celebrity I’ve ever heard give good advice on cleaning your vagina is Sarah Silverman, who said, “Use whatever you wash your asshole with, how about that? Surely that’s strong enough for your disgusting vagina. Rinse, and if when you get out of the shower there’s still something, like a rancidishness coming… go to the doctor.”

Does it really need to be said that your vagina doesn’t need steam-cleaned? I guess it does, because people are still having their vaginas steam-cleaned.

I once heard a story that Muhammad Ali, towards the end of his career, took one of his friend’s hands and ran it over his head, so he could feel all the lumps he had from years of boxing and said “Why do I do this?” I assume that at some point Chrissy Teigen will be putting John Legend’s hand on her vagina after it explodes or grows teeth or, in her words, dissolves, and asking him “Why do I do this?”

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*vagina dissolves* I nearly spit my coffee on my keyboard at that, well played Chrissy. :)

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