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Elon Musk Didn’t Help Rescue Those Thai Boys From the Cave, But He Sure Wants Everyone to Think He Did

Elon Musk wants you to know that he was instrumental in helping to rescue the Thai boys who were trapped in a flooded cave. It’s not true, but he really wants you to know it anyway.

Here’s how the kids actually got out: experienced cave divers lead them out, tethering the children to them and carrying oxygen for them. While the people who actually knew what they were doing were making their plan that actually saved all the children, Elon Musk kept calling them and talking about the giant metal tube he was playing with in his friend’s pool.

So his plan was to put the kids into what I can only describe as an oversized sex toy/MRI, because everyone knows children are easier to carry when they’re encased in steel.

But here’s the thing about Elon Musk and his insane ego; when the guy in charge of the rescue said Elon’s G.I. Joe bathtub adventure kit wasn’t practical for the rescue, Elon claimed that he wasn’t actually in charge of the rescue and didn’t know what he was talking about.

Elon also took the time to lament the harsh treatment billionaires get from the media, as if he didn’t earn that money from the hard work of… taking a transaction fee from internet credit card purchases. Of course, he also had the vision to invest that money in a company that was making electric cars.

I’ve mentioned before that Donald Trump acts the way poor people think rich people act, and Elon Musk acts the way stupid people think smart people act. Elon Musk isn’t a genius, he’s just made a few good investments that paid off and used that money to convince people he’s Dr. Benton Quest, travelling the world having super-science adventures when what he’s actually doing is putting the spotlight on himself instead of the people who actually do the work.

This reads like a fifth grader’s “What I Did on My Summer Vacation” paper. The annoying thing is that it’s worked on a surprisingly large number of people who seem to have formed a cult of personality.

I hope Elon Musk builds a rocket big enough to get him and all these fools who worship the ground he walks on the hell off of my planet.

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